Shame the Sheepdog

The word shameless has negative connotations of indecency and depravity as used colloquially. Really, the word simply means to be free of shame. If you ask me, this is rather a virtue and not a vice.

So what is shame, really? It was my parents’ favorite way to discipline me when I was a child. Back then, all I knew was when they told me I should be ashamed of myself for something, it meant I should feel bad about it and not do it again. Nowadays, when I hear someone say “Shame on you!” I can’t help but chuckle. Especially if it’s directed at me. 

In essence, shame is psychological violence. We use shame to impose our fears on other people and, by doing so, give puissance to our own beliefs. Shame is the sheepdog that keeps the sheep together. By belonging to a community – meaning to identity yourself with your membership in the community – one is required to accept the shame of the other members upon transgression of communal customs. We accept that shame because we have another fear of not belonging, or a belief that we must belong to a group to be an acceptable human being.

As long as we act in accordance with our beliefs, we probably will not receive shame from others, but far more vicious is the shame our beliefs impose on ourselves. Only we can be ashamed of our own thoughts. Only we can be ashamed of our memories. We torture ourselves more than our community possibly could, like our own personal sheepdog that follows us wherever we go. The stronger our beliefs, the bigger and meaner our sheepdog is. So, if our internal world is dominated by fear and violence against ourselves, is it any wonder when it gets reflected out into the external world?

May your sheepdog be a Chihuahua.